DR Rob Gandy I UK
Only one in nine people make their funeral wishes known to their loved ones, so family and friends are often left behind having to try to second-guess the deceased’s wishes when they are making the funeral arrangements, as if being bereaved isn’t stressful enough! Clearly, differing views about the arrangements can cause argument and distress.
With my son John, I have written the book “Looking Forward To Your Funeral”, which aims to address this issue and complement people’s wills. The prompt for the book was our experience when my mother died; the family never appreciated that there were so many things involved where knowing her wishes would have been helpful. Naturally, this is a very sensitive topic and therefore the style of the book is deliberately one of gentle humour.
Of course, there are books and pamphlets available which describe how to plan a funeral, but they are generally aimed at those who are making the arrangements. The bereaved need something that makes it clear what the deceased wanted. This is the purpose of the book, which we perceive as addressing a genuine gap.
One benefit is that the book can act as a catalyst to enable everyone to talk about the matter without angst, or morbid thoughts. As we highlight on the cover, recording your wishes is “best completed when your ultimate demise is a long time off in the future”.
Who should buy a copy? In theory everyone should have a copy, but we think it is something to complete when people are in their fifties, sixties and seventies – when they can reasonably assume there to be many more years left in the tank. No-one should leave this matter until they have a major illness, and the proportion of people who will get dementia in later life means that it is something to do sooner rather than later.
